can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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