We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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