I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wish there were birth control emojis
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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