btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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