spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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