just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
