Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
