she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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