you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
