does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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