I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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