I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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