I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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