went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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