I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
