Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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