How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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