a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
