you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
