I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
