well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
