After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
