Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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