I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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