Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
