We named our party play list daddy issues
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
