I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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