i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
