I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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