I'm sorry my penis didn't work
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
