It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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