Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
