well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
