I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have post one night stand depression
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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