even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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