my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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