I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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