Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
