im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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