so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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