He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
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my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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