It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My liver just had a heart attack.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
