my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
