Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
