i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
