Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
