why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
