I can text with my tongue
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
