youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
