i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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