So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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