You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
