oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
