Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize