Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
