A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
