I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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