is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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