How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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