I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Where did you get a picture of my penis
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
