Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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