So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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