I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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