I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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