I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
