The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
