I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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