I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you win again, gameday.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
