i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
