Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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