I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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