This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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