good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
