yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
