rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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