if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
