everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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