Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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