Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
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I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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