i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
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I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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