Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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